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Out and About: The Elevator Edition

As with anyone here, my life is filled with ups and downs. Living on the sixth floor of Roggeveenhof leaves me using the elevator at least twice a day. And the elevated life comes with many annoyances. From people who feel the need to press the button for the fifth floor when six is already pressed, to people who feel the need to take the elevator to the second floor. It’s difficult on so many levels.

Since stairways lead to heaven and highways lead to hell, the elevator really steps up its game and just levels you up like it’s supposed to. One way to live it up while you’re going down – not meant as a sexual pun, but be sure to pick up the TR Spring Print Edition that houses our annual sex survey for more sexy puns – is to take the elevator with at least six people. There is ample time to discuss the weather or the fact that taking the stairs is hella basic and you ain’t bout da life. You can cash me ousside, howboudat… after I take the elevator of course lmao.

Okay so, sometimes puns don’t work and you get stuck…. Or you just get stuck. Literally. In the elevator. Twice. So what do you do when laziness gets you and five others stuck in an elevator at 22:45 on a Wednesday? Well first try to see if you’re actually stuck by pressing as many buttons as possible and trying to push the doors open. If that doesn’t work, use the emergency button located to your right and make the elevator call the Belgian call center.

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I honestly believe that the most positive people work for an elevator company. After taking the necessary personal information, they proceeded to tell us the waiting time (one hour) and “To have a good rest of our day despite being stuck in an elevator!” So great! So sweet! Pro tip: make sure your phone’s battery isn’t on 18% nor Facebook or Snapchat about it. But now the waiting game starts, what to do in an elevator at night, follow this easy guide for an uplifted stay.

Firstly, make sure the elevator you get stuck in is big enough to house six people comfortably. Out of the possible elevators: Koestraat, Franklin, or Roggeveen; I’d pick the latter. Then, please take off as many clothes as you deem necessary: elevators are small spaces and it’s bound to get really hot really fast. I mean I was there so… things turn steamy quicker than boiling water. If your fellow elevatees are up for it this would be the perfect time to create or tick off your elevator list. If that doesn’t work, find something else to do; I recommend Never Have I Ever as it creates close bonds, like the sealed door that is keeping you from your bed and freedom.

Another top activity is to sing a song, it unites the group and there’s no one to drag you out of your seat since you can’t go anywhere anyway. Don’t forget to keep close contact with the outside world. Just because you are stuck in an elevator, doesn’t mean they get to enjoy their lives. Make sure your friends are there for you, breaking the silence or doors when necessary.

If all else fails and you’re not feeling like it’s going anywhere- get the fire department come to your rescue and celebrate accordingly with a selfie. Maybe in the future, it’s good if the official authorities reevaluate the max. capacity of the elevators, or restrict its use, instead of blaming the situation on lazy students. Regardless, if you’re wondering if this has deterred me from taking the elevator again? No, definitely not giving up, or down, or in. In the wise words of OutKast: “We moving on up in the world like elevators,” so why hinder myself by taking some stairs. There’s a clear hierarchy here, and I’m on the top floor.

Yonna Kuipers, Class of 2017, is a history and linguistics major from Schiedam, The Netherlands.

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