Hey there,
I am Ben and I am your financial advisor. As a student, you are probably in constant need of money and I have decided to put myself in for your financial well-being. You do not have to pay me for the services rendered – though of course I expect an annual rate of your wealth if you have followed my advice.
Let us start at the beginning. If you want to be rich you must ensure that people trust you. The proverb says that trust arrives as a snail and leaves as a horse. Well, here is a tip to earn unlimited trust at no cost in no time. Ask to borrow money, then do not spend any of it. Return it a little earlier than you said you would and BOOM, there you have it, free trust.
Once you have gained the trust of people you can start making money. Of course you can make money by selling cups of lemonade or heated syrup waffles from the supermarket. Still, I think there are nicer ways to make money. Ever thought about joining the animation team of Disneyland? I heard that when the park is closed all animators and employees are granted two hours of unlimited access to all attractions. BBQ’s appear from nowhere and everybody celebrates life in Disneystyle. You will have fun and get paid for it!
In case my tips to get out of your financial trouble do not work, follow at least this tip: do not make a problem about your money problem. Because if you have no money and you worry about it all the time, you will get an ulcer and have a real problem and you still will not have any money because people sense desperation – and nobody wants anything to do with a desperate person. But if you do no care about having no money, then people will give you money because you do not care; they will think it is nothing and give it away, and even make you take it.
But if you have a problem about having no money and taking money, and think you can not take it because you feel guilty and want to be “independent,” then becomes a problem. Whereas if you just take the money and act spoiled and spend it like it is nothing, then it is not a problem and people keep wanting to give you more.
By the way, once you have money, go and buy anything in a drugstore in the middle of the night. You will make the store stay open a little later for you while you finish up, because they know you have money, so that is prestige!
Inspired by Andy Warhol.
Corstiaan van Pelt, class of 2016, Social Sciences, Rotterdam.
