If you have read any news article, sporadically scrolled through your Facebook feed or talked to anyone with an opinion, you have noted that the Dutch elections are nearing at an enormous pace. You might want to vote in these elections, or you are just generally interested and would like to be aware of what this is all about. However, Tabula Rasa would not be Tabula Rasa if this article did not have a personal edge. As someone who has experienced UCR in all its glory, I’d like to rate some major Dutch parties on what we all need: party factor. Based on their ratings, parties will each get one to five balloons. The rating is based on the performance of a political party in the hypothetical situation of organizing a full-blown party in Elliott.
GROENLINKS stands for equal opportunities for everyone and ‘fair distribution of (financial) burdens’. Their leader is quite conceited, and would start each party with a small, personal speech. After that, we’d have an enjoyable party, with our richer students paying 10 cents more for their beers than the poorer ones.
Party factor: 🎈🎈🎈🎈
VVD is the big right-wing party focused on financial freedom and self-reliance of the Dutch citizen. Therefore, although the budget would be stable, some additions – which for some can be referred to as ‘basic needs’, such as glasses and alcohol – should be provided by the guests themselves. You should be prepared for a party full of music from Dutch groups such as ‘de Toppers’, as it appears our Prime Minister has a liking for that.
D66, famous for its equalist and progressive view, would probably have a Pride-themed party which they will boast about for the following year. Be prepared for state-of-the-art, leading-edge music (of course put together by their youth panel) and a distinct lack of surveillance members.
CDA is a party with Christian influences focused on family life and Dutch culture. CDA would host an adequate party, but would forget to promote it on the short-term. It would unfortunately also be too bothered with the families in the Lange Noordstraat than the actual students.
PVV is famous for its angry spokesman and not-so-subtle xenophobia. Since it would exclude part of the UCR population, and has shown several times to be unable to construct a sound budget, Elliott’s revenue would go down drastically. Party leader Geert Wilders has also shown a distinct lack of style, but did skip a national debate to go to carnival, which does earn him one extra balloon.
PVDA is another socialist party, focused on intersectionality. Everyone would be welcome, and the party would make sure all students would be walked home by a personal volunteer. The music would probably be an obvious copy of D66’s.
PVDD, party for animals, would probably invite some puppies downstairs and then complain that the music is too loud for them.
SGP, the conservative Christian party, would only host one party around Christmas, without any alcohol. Women have the right to come, but they shouldn’t dance or be in charge of a bar. Sorry Ima!
Party factor: 🎈
CHRISTENUNIE, a more progressive Christian party, would host several parties and serve alcohol. The music would a playlist full of uplifting yet repetitive Hillsong United and Jesus Culture tracks. Every wine glass would be accompanied by a note saying ‘A minute ago, this was just water’.
Party factor: 🎈🎈🎈🎈
Renske Wienen, Class of 2018, is a cognitive science & chemistry major from Rotterdam, the Netherlands.