By Annika Lee
there are so few photos of me from back then
my friends were more beautiful, more confident
I blushed from shame, not compliments
staying behind the camera was preferable
my friends were more beautiful, more confident
in their bodies and in their futures
staying behind the camera was preferable
to putting a spotlight on my deficiencies
in their bodies and in their futures
I imagined some promise of love or desire
which put a spotlight on my deficiencies:
I had no expectation of being wanted
but we imagined the same thing, I promise
fear of being the imposter, of being found out
I had no expectation of being wanted
but no girl likes what she sees in the mirror
the fear of being the imposter, of being found out
haunts me still sometimes though I’ve tucked it away
no girl likes what she sees in the mirror
but most women know better
the girl I was haunts me sometimes, though I’ve tucked her away
sometimes I go looking for her
though I should know better
she was just starting to exist
there are so few photos of her.
Image source: https://unsplash.com/photos/uZFOGOd65bo
